Face. What is Face? I don’t mean “your” face, the one God graced you with that the world identifies you by. I mean ‘Face’ – the appearance you put on for the world to judge you by. It’s a tricky nuance, yet in many cultures your Face includes all of your outward trappings of wealth – real or not. The car you drive may vastly exceed your actual income and not line up with the house or apartment you live in; the clothing you wear, the hair style and body and skin care you embark upon so that when people look up on you they treat you with a greater degree of respect based on your appearance of wealth and success.

Truly wealthy do an almost about face here and try to look as understated as possible, yet will throw on a quietly and offensively expensive trinket so that others “in the know” will recognize their actual wealth vs. all the rest of us who are playing dress up all the days of our lives.

Yet, this is not what Jesus called us to do and not how He lived. He dressed beyond modestly and poorly but neatly and cleanly. Are we not to do the same? Our pastors are called to live simply and humbly, they wear simple garments of inexpensive black cloth to emphasize their stations in life… and yet through their clothes they immediately gain a certain status and stature in life. A monk in his vestments, however roughly-spun they are, clothe him also in an aura of mystery and passerby give him or her a respect-filled space.

I bring this forward to you because today I was reminded how very much we cannot trust someone’s outward appearance when making a judgment regarding their comfort and status in life. A woman today, showed up seeking food. I know her, I now her husband. I know them fairly well as established business people. I also know her husband has cancer, and hasn’t been overly present at Mass or gatherings consistently over the past year or more. That they have been present for food and goods distributions. They dress well. She is beyond beautiful and always elegantly prepared to meet her day. They drive lovely cars.

and yet.

They are in need. They are caring for elderly parents who are sick; his cancer has removed his ability to work; she, who does not work, has shouldered the burdens of caring for two households on a fraction of the income they are accustomed to.

No one knew. No one was aware. I knew about the cancer, but also believed that he had recovered. Until today I had no reason to know or realize that two, lovely, giving individuals were quietly suffering without anyone realizing. We all made the assessment that because they look well and don’t carry their suffering outwardly, that they were doing fine. No one was making inquiries about their well being or health.

Shame. On. Us.

They live relatively modestly and made no outward appearance changes; perhaps in ancient times they should have rent their clothing? disfigured their faces? So that people would know to take pity? But that is not how we are called to live. We are told to bear our burdens with dignity, grace, and humility.

We are also called not to judge others for how they live, what they drive, what they wear and how they present themselves.

Further, we are told to not present ourselves in a false light, outwardly.

I am a single mother of two; I work two jobs; I drive an embarrassingly uncared for vehicle. It’s rusty, it’s dirty, it needs brakes, it’s generally filled with the detritus of a family who doesn’t have the time to bother with the standard American pastime of weekly cleanings, vacuumings and car washings. Often I find myself ashamed of the car I drive, of how we appear. I try SO hard to look well. My coworkers are always beautifully put together, with jewellery just so and lovely elegant clothing. So my wardrobe has become a carefully studied collection of second hand items meant to give the appearance of success, even when I’m struggling to make the payments each month on all.the.things of life. Why? Generally, a fear of the judgment of others; I wish to be seen as doing better than I am.

As a whole, we all have a lot to learn about what it is to live in the way that Jesus has taught us to. We live lives with an eye towards earthly comfort, and a good part of that comfort has to do with the acceptance of others and the belief that we walk on equal footing with our peers. This is so ubiquitous that we miss signs of need among those who may need it.

I am reminded of Steel Magnolias. Southern women who understood each other, accepted each other, supported each other from all walks of life. There was a clear understanding that everyone dressed a certain way to be considered respectable in society; but they had so much compassion for one another even when at each other’s throats. It’s a movie, but beautiful and an elegant reminder of the type of community we really ought to be striving for.

Where is our group of steel magnolias? Here in the Pacific Northwest, perhaps we would be better referred to as the sea of ferns or the everlasting cedars. I don’t know, but I know we’re missing that. Somehow we’re not seeing each other clearly. I’m slowly growing to understand how much I missed in this life because of forever being afraid of other women and how they viewed me. How much I missed because I was forever comparing myself to them and their beauty and their clothes and what they had.

But. None of that matters. Not a bit of it. What matters is that connection.

What mattered today is that I saw a woman who saw in me a person she could confide in. I saw a women who saw in me the person I want to become. The person I hope God sees. And she told me. Everything. And I’m not worthy of that gift. And I didn’t know how to hold it with grace. So offered it up. I asked for guidance and followed the directions given to me. I received and gave a hug that felt. real. really real. No put ons on either side. Just. I was in need, and I received, and so now I give and I receive in turn.

I don’t know if I’m understanding the right way to walk this path. I just know, that today because judgments were suspended and honesty was put forth and empathy was offered on both sides, I made a friend. I witnessed a beautiful soul who needs someone who sees her. Hears her. Cherishes her.

I don’t know that I’m worthy, but I know that God put me here for a reason.

How beautiful.

I’m praying for you tonight, whoever you are that is reading this. Set aside your self doubt, your self judgment, your judgment of others, your fear of their thoughts. Offer it up to God. He puts us where we need to be, and right now you are where you need to be on this night. I pray it is a safe place and that you are fed and warm, and if you are not, I pray you find the helpers whom God has put in place for you so that you can come through your trials to the other side and begin healing.

Good night. God Bless.