I think we, as a people, like to pretend that our issues are all new and have never been experienced before. We would rather not look at history, but only consider the present when navigating a new moral, emotional, political, technological reality.

As a faithful Catholic mother who is also an autistic middle aged woman navigating a world on her own after leaving an emotionally and physically abusive and exhausting marriage, who is also healing from traumas that occurred prior to marriage and who is also healing from traumas that impacted her mother, her grandmother, her grandfather, and her great grandmother, who is also a mother of two gorgeous, intelligent, and perfectly made autistic young men… I can honestly say I hold my daily anxiety almost as a sister at this point. I view my relationship with depression, darkness, and sadness as one might a shadow – being close to God is like being close to the noonday Sun… the shadow is smallest when I stand directly beneath. However, when I get lost in the wilderness of our world’s earthly realities and lose touch with prayer and contemplation of our Lord and His love for us, when I forget for a moment that I am a loved daughter of God, the shadow grows.

We live in a world that thrives on feeding us polarizing news; on news of wars; on news that others the others, and thems the thems, and somehow makes ‘us’ (whatever ‘us’ is) special and unique. That thrives on making us want to identify as the victim; that thrives on making us want to beat our chest and one-up the other victims in the name of empathy and understanding.

But I look at history. I look at a world that took my grandfather’s people and stripped them of their dignity, of their humanity, and shut them into dark chambers and piped their lungs full of gas. Or worse, if they found someone extraordinary, they first turned them into human science experiments – killing them more slowly and painfully. I think of my grandfather – a child no older than my youngest son – with (I imagine) a knapsack lovingly packed by his mother – hiking over the alps into Austria and into a refugee camp to grow into the man that had a sensitivity, a caring, a love and an intelligence to sacrifice his happiness for love of his daughter, who gave everything to create our family.

And I listen to the news telling me in its awful gossipy glee that ‘the president has announced a cause and a cure’ for those poor poor autistic children. *Please read that carefully – I strongly point a finger at the media for making a mountain out of a molehill – there were a lot of caveats included in what was, actually, a pretty gentle press release if you take the time to listen to it rather than reading – or worse – listening to short snips or interpretations*

However, my emotional response to all of it has been incredibly strong. I want to walk right up to that man and poke my finger into his chest and scream in his face – Look At Me – I am a child of God and I am perfectly made and formed. You would wish I wasn’t? You would prescribe medication to make me into something else? And my children? I was that granola Mom who refused any form of pain medication stronger than peppermint oil for her headaches when pregnant. I never took a drop of Tylenol or Advil for either child’s pregnancy… and still they were born exactly as God needed them to be, fully autistic and fully perfect.

The Catholic Church teaches that every human being, created in the image and likeness of God, possesses an intrinsic dignity and beauty that — far beyond any external standard — remains intact regardless of physical or mental differences.

Dear allistic, “normal” human beings… Would you truly wish for a world without Pokemon? Without Starlink? – thank you Elon. Without Blade Runner? – thank you Darryl Hannah. Do you want a world without Microsoft? How about a world without the modern day standard for the care and love of animals? – thank you Temple Grandin. Do you believe autistic people can’t be athletes? Actors? Can’t live a fulfilling life? Perhaps we have a different understanding of Autism.

I don’t believe it’s a disease to be cured, though my heart goes out to parents of those who have no words, no use for toilets, who find the world overwhelming to the point they must hurt themselves. My youngest screamed – screamed – and screamed… for 10 hours a day for most of his first 18 months of life. Our world was not okay for him. I thought it was indigestion… as I spent hours every day with him tied to my chest as I bounced on a yoga ball to the rhythm of classical music. He bit, he fought when he had no words, he hated to be touched yet desperately needed pressure to be calm. My eldest adores people, loves them beyond measure, they are his first love in this world and his first hyperfocus. He also can’t hold a fork very well, his executive functioning is developing, he is hyper focused on sports and statistics beyond anyone I have ever experienced. The idea of him surviving as an adult in this world breaks my heart because I can see how easily people will abuse his trust and hurt him.

All people are created in the image of God – The human person’s dignity is rooted in being made “in the image and likeness of God” (CCC § 1700). This foundational truth affirms that every body, whatever its form, reflects the divine image and therefore bears a profound beauty.

Cherish our differences. Celebrate them. Love them. Support them.

I remember there was a Thrifty’s grocery mart for a while not far from my home; and one afternoon I needed…something – I don’t recall what. And I and my two children walked into what they called a ‘sensory friendly hour.’ The vibrating, pulsating, nauseating fluorescents had been dimmed. There was no music. There was no hustle or bustle. It was quiet and calm and peaceful. A serene shopping experience. I filled my cart and spent the hour wandering and contemplating – I had no idea why it was so… and I asked the clerk if there was something wrong with the power. No, she said to me, the managers wanted to offer something to the neurodivergent community. Please, please, humans. Do more of this.

You might find it more soothing on your wearied anxious souls than you realize.

Do you know what I think autistic people represent… we represent humanity in a less filtered state. We don’t pretend in any way to enjoy the chaotic noise of the modern world. We physically cannot hide our anxiety when surrounded by the pressure of people. We ‘see’ you in ways you may not see yourself, and so eye contact with people we don’t know is overwhelmingly intimate. I will study your shoulder, your belly button, your hairline, anything but full eye contact…which generally ramps up my anxiety to the point that I sweat in very unpleasant ways and cannot wait to escape.

Technology in our modern world offers ways to survive – Loop earplugs are my best friend. The ability to work from home where I’m close to my pets who know exactly when I need a little furry pressure and gentle reassurance gives me the ability to step away when I’m overwhelmed by the world.

I am using myself because it’s not my place to speak for my children – who are also fully and perfectly formed as children of God; they are as different from me as they are from each other. There are no two autistic people who’s traits are identical.

Celebrate people. Love them. Don’t try to change them because they don’t fit. Try to understand. Dim the lights, lessen the eye contact, walk alongside the person and let them open to you. Listen. Be present. Be aware.

Never, ever lose sight of their equality and their fragility.

Autistic individuals face a significantly higher risk of experiencing abuse and trauma, with pooled prevalence rates of victimisation as high as 44%. Studies show autistic adults experience rates of sexual violence between 7.7% and 64% and emotional abuse from 22% to 70%, with some research suggesting nearly 90% of autistic people experience some form of abuse, including bullying, sexual assault, and domestic abuse. Vulnerabilities such as social isolation, difficulties communicating needs, and difficulties recognizing abusive behavior, coupled with autism-specific sensitivities, contribute to this increased risk. 

Prevalence of Victimisation

• High overall rates: A 2022 meta-analysis found a pooled prevalence rate of 44% for victimisation among autistic individuals. 

Bullying: The same study found a pooled prevalence of 47% for bullying experienced by autistic individuals. Sexual Victimisation: Rates for sexual victimisation are particularly high, with one meta-analysis finding 40% in autistic individuals. Autistic youth are also 3 to 4 times more likely to experience sexual victimisation than their non-autistic peers. Child Abuse: A 16% pooled prevalence rate for child abuse was found in one review. Emotional Abuse: Rates of emotional abuse among autistic adults can range from 22% to 70%. 

Factors Contributing to Increased Risk

• Vulnerability to manipulation: Autistic individuals may be more vulnerable to manipulation due to challenges in understanding social cues and boundaries, leading to situations of coercion and abuse. 

Inadequate sex and relationship education:

Many autistic individuals feel unprepared for adult relationships, struggling to recognize abusive behaviors. 

Autism-specific stressors:

Core autism symptoms, such as social difficulties, sensory sensitivities, and repetitive behaviors, can lead to chronic exposure to stressors that increase risk and contribute to conditions like anxiety. 

Neurobiological vulnerabilities:

Deficits in emotion processing and regulation in autistic individuals may contribute to a heightened vulnerability to experiencing and processing traumatic stress. 

Co-occurring conditions:

Co-occurring conditions like ADHD and depression are identified as possible risk factors for interpersonal violence in autistic adults. 

Impact of Abuse and Trauma

• Mental health conditions: A significant association exists between higher levels of autistic traits, child abuse, and the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, according to one study. 

Delayed diagnosis:

The presence of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in autistic children has been linked to a prolonged time to diagnosis and a delay in initiating treatment interventions, which can negatively impact long-term prognosis. 

Long-term relationship impacts:

Abuse can have unique and lasting impacts on autistic individuals’ relationships and overall well-being. 

But also remember the many incredible benefits an Autistic person contributes to society.

Please.

Look to God and consider the science strongly and deeply. If you are a parent of an autistic child… It is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are parenting a child of God who is perfect in all ways. It is not your genetics, or someone else’s genetics, it is not the pain medication you took to dull a fever, or the vaccinations given to your child to prevent horrific deaths we are glad to be able to avoid.

Rocking is pleasant. Try it.

Weighted blankets are amazing. Try them.

Fidgets are fun and focus-friendly. Experience them.

Pray to God … for He is with you always.

All my love to you and God Bless You. Thank you for reading.